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CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS
November 14, 2001

Somewhere in the job description for the #2 officer at MHI, there must be these words:

PERSONALITY REQUIREMENT: OBNOXIOUS JERK

That's what our sources at the Barracks tell us following a particularly embarrassing incident that occurred while our "old friend," THE BULLY (no stranger to avid readers of the CAPERS), was holding a recognition ceremony for a longtime civilian employee.

The newly-arrived field-grade, who shall forever more be known as "SIMON LEGREE," made a complete fool of himself.

Seems THE BULLY read the honoree's dates of service wrong, so the civilian worker gently interjected the correct time frame. For once, THE BULLY - well known for his foul mouth and temper tantrums - accepted the correction with good humor and started to continue his remarks.

But LEGREE flipped out. It seems he thought his "boss" (and OER rater) had been "disrespected." So he shouted at the startled civilian - who after all, was there to be "honored" - "SHUT UP!"

Everyone was taken aback at the infantile outburst. Our CI's report LEGREE wasn't wearing "knee pads" at the time, but that he appears to be no stranger to the ancient art of "sucking up" to his superiors.

Gen. Ivany has done a great job of cutting out "DEADWOOD" and restoring respect to the Army War College after the trouble-plagued tenures of the "Hero of Grenada" and "Pathetic Bobby." But a "loose cannon" like LEGREE unfortunately reinforces the reputation of the ops director's position as a "dumping-ground" for "last-assignment losers."


Speaking of LOSERS, several of our CI's report spotting "Pathetic Bobby" back at the Barracks for a brief visit. No, he didn't have a drink in his hand, but the one-time commandant - who is best known for a pair of panties inscribed to him by his deputy's frisky wife - had a big scowl on his weather-beaten face.

Seems he doesn't enjoy reading CAPERS as much as a vast majority of the personnel at Carlisle Barracks. The imperious officer, who sure loved those wine and cheese parties at Quarters One, fancies himself something of a "military historian." Experts know that "Pathetic Bobby" is anything but, and would never be confused with an intellectual.


While we're on the subject of ex-commandants, the "Hero of Grenada" will soon find "the chickens have come home to roost." He will have an opportunity to explain his actions - some would say lack of action - in a genuine "sex harassment" case involving one of his top civilian aides.

A lawsuit against the Army has been filed in Federal Court and our sources in the state capital tell us, the "discovery" should be "very interesting." What some power-hungry, ego-driven generals won't do - or NOT do - to ensure they get that third star! Now the question is: "Was it worth it?" Stay tuned.

Not only the general, but the so-called IG "investigators" who allegedly covered-up for him, are going to be on the hot seat. We say it's about time. No one should be above the law.


Over at Building 22, observers report that a bitter FEUD between onetime "allies" - DICKIE WIGGLEBOTTOM and THE BULLY - has erupted into an EEO complaint.

Could the grounds be "sexual harassment?" We won't tell. At least for now. But we seem to recall that old adage about RATS "gnawing" on each other when they realize their days are numbered.

Since THE BULLY will never see 0-6, and has now been handed his "walking papers," perhaps the prissy martinet upstairs figures this is as good a time as any to "shove a shiv" in his boss's back in order to settle some old score

One can just imagine WIGGLEBOTTOM stomping his little foot in frustration and exclaiming "YOU BRUTE!" as the "macho man" expounds upon Dickie's failings with an expletive-laden diatribe.

At any rate, it's great entertainment for the civilian workers in the building who have long suffered under both tyrants' reign.

"The only difference between Dickie and his boss," said one female employee, "is that Wigglebottom doesn't use foul language. But he sure HATES women. It'll be a great day for us all when he goes out the back door for good."


Our Confidential Informants in DPW have alerted us to an ugly SMELL on post.

No. It's not "PEE WEE HERMAN," but it IS in his building!

The overwhelming sewer gas smell has been present for months, even on days when the finger-pointing PEE WEE fails to show up for work. Seems the 8-A small business contractor and his overworked employees have been getting a bum rap.

PEE WEE and the soldiers and civilians who work for him, (and secretly LOATHE him), occupy the older building near the Route 11 exit. PEE WEE has even authorized the burning of candles and incense by his staff to overcome what they are told is a "dirty bathroom" odor.

In truth, the minority workers labor long and hard to clean the bathrooms with the meager cleaning supplies issued them.

The problem "came to light" recently when a clerical employee filed a formal complaint with the Safety Office. A team of DPW's best and brightest engineers found the problem - plumbing traps with no water in them.

There is also a litany of problems in the heating and air conditioning ducts. Since the building also houses film and photographic materials, some workers are nervous they are sitting on a virtual "powder keg!" Better watch out outside when you light up that cigarette.


Our friends in Collins Hall are telling us that the atmosphere over there is a lot better these days.

Professor Campbell has prospered and mellowed under the current leadership of a REAL commandant, Gen. Ivany. Hope things continue this way. No one wants to go back to the "bad old days" when a tug-of-war took place for control of the facility between the appointed leader and "Pathetic Bobby." Both military and civilian career casualties occurred needlessly in that foolish test of wills.


The mail pick-up curtailments and close inspection of packages at the central mail room may prove an impediment for one highly-placed security official at Carlisle Barracks who for years is alleged to have run a successful AMWAY business from his work place. Who is it? Sources say his name is the same as that famous western movie star, the one who was close "pals" with Cary Grant.


A WORD TO THE WISE DEPT: If we wrote up every affair we learn about at Carlisle Barracks, we wouldn't have enough room to put in the other news. Naughty behavior in Pratt and Washington Halls is nothing new, BUT, a certain colonel on post should know his recent excursions to an off-post motel with a woman other than his wife has not gone unnoticed by our many CI's in town as well as on the Barracks.

While we wish this field grade no harm, we can't say the same for his wife, who we hear is already suspicious. The colonel better cool it with his girlfriend or he'll find himself in divorce court.


We'll see you all next month with "juicy details" of the federal lawsuit that will put Carlisle Barracks - and certain former "big shots" - on the map. Our friends in the civilian media have already got a whiff of this one, and it promises to be a damning indictement of mismanagement and lack of leadership on the part of past commandants. Until then, best wishes to all our news friends in the AWC class.

 


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