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NEW CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS
December 14, 2001

ATTENTION all C.I.'s (confidential informants) at Carlisle Barracks, in Carlisle and immediate area.

"Pathetic Bobby" is scheduled to be at the Barracks Dec. 17th to help "officiate" at the retirement of one of the better colonels on post.

Anyone who spots "Pathetic Bobby" with a drink in his hand (NOT a pair of panties, it's got to be an alcoholic beverage), YOU could win a case of Scottish whiskey! Just get your observation - location and time - in to us and we will select the winner.


We have nothing but praise for the dedicated, hard-working NAF employees at the Letort Club as they find new ways to offer service in a restricted access Army Post.

Their latest marketing effort is a broad-based luncheon buffet on "work days." $4.50 buys all you can eat from either the entrŽe tables or salad bar.

Among the "clientele" attracted to the Club are the over-paid and over-staffed managers at Griffin Services. Boy! Does one of them offer a "floor show" whenever his boss, COL Shields, comes in for lunch.

This rotund former federal worker is out of his seat in a NANO-SECOND to offer his BOSS the chair. He goes into the same butt-kissing act that used to preserve his government job. It's quite a sight to see.

Back when this fellow was Rich Taylor's weakest mechanic, he had a smile and a "snow job" for everyone on any occasion.


Remember the "baptism of fire" we gave a certain obnoxious light colonel last month who shall forevermore be known as "SIMON LEGREE?" Well, it's hard to gather up much sympathy for this member of the "knee-pad brigade," BUT we hear his wife, ALSO an officer, has a personality that makes Hillary Clinton seem like a nun! We mean, SHE "wears the pants" in that family.

It isn't hard to imagine Legree's "nastiness" stems from his daily dose of "orders" from his better half. Thus, when he comes to work in the morning , he's usually in a surly mood.

No, we're not going SOFT on this "last-stop career loser," but we ARE human (REALLY), and so feel a little bit of compassion for this field-grade who is learning fast - if you want to stay OUT of the CAPERS, don't be such a jerk!


WHO is the Army's "comeback kid" and self-described "player" on the War College Faculty?

This fellow, with the first initial "T," reportedly screwed up BIG-TIME and nearly ended his Army career when he thought he could "con" his way out of a despised assignment - working for MAD MAX Thurman back in the 80's.

The highly ABRASIVE, now-departed (THAT is a story in itself!) general was having none of this cry baby's "sob story." MAD MAX told the whiner: "SHUT UP and report for the assignment!" Whereupon our hero lost control and began to cry.

He got out of Thurman's Recruiting Command, but with an OER that showed a well-deserved number 5 for "leadership." "T" spent the next year writing letters of apology and explanation to the demanding Thurman. He tried everything he could think of to "erase" this blemish. and touch the general's hard heart.

This officer even stooped to using his kids "who would have to change schools before the end of the year." "T" spoke of his mother's hospitalization. He even complained he couldn't scratch together more than $500 to lend his needy, elderly father because most of his cash was "tied up" in long-term, high-yield CD's. Why, "the bank might foreclose on daddy's trailer!"

None of this worked with the flinty Thurman. However, it did get this officer a soft, low-stress teaching position at Fort Leavenworth after a high-paid "shrink" reportedly certified our boy with a nervous breakdown.

Inquiring minds want to know if the USAWC should be offering department chairs to such an officer as this?


We hear the job description for Garrison Commander is being revised. The job will continue to be rated at the "0-5" level, but will formally require "The wisdom of Solomon and the patience of Job."

So far, LTC "Ty" Smith appears eminently qualified.


The two "harpies" mentioned in last month's CAPERS are still making news.

One of them was observed with her ample derriere hanging over the edge of the construction dumpster alongside the old Thorpe Gym. Seems she's interested in what good appropriated fund equipment might be "trashed" during the renovation project.

Both these middle-aged "trouble-makers' look a lot alike when viewed from the REAR.

We had to go to our C.I.'s in garrison headquarters to find out which of the "cellulite two" wants to auction the used sneakers and office furniture from the facility. Had she checked with a good contracting officer BEFORE going to see the Garrison Commander, "Ms. Dillsburg," might have found out that it is ILLEGAL to SELL government property purchased with appropriated funds.


COL Skip Hall has arrived on post and is assigned to the Chief of Staff for the time being. It's been announced he will be taking over for "The BULLY" when that under-achieving officer departs in the Spring. Couldn't we make that SOONER?

While we're on the subject of our old pal, The BULLY, Dunham Clinic has been alerted to watch out for any "back-injury" disability scams that might arise from pending unemployment. But those in the know say this long-time, and we mean LONG-time LTC, is angling for a high-paying civilian position when the new museum goes up at Carlisle Barracks.

WHY on earth would ANYONE want HIM to gum up the works there? Maybe his former BOSS, "Pathetic Bobby" could find him gainful employment. Sure beats sitting home and nursing a bottle all day.


As we draw near to Christmas, CAPERS gets a bit nostalgic for the time when that idiot, "The SCREAMER" was in power. A former garrison commander, who had a talent for making enemies and offending people everywhere he went, had to "sort out" the big "CAT FIGHT OF 1997" in one of the post's directorates.

A lunch hour discussion among the "ladies" dissolved into a knock-down, drag-out fist-fight between - "in one corner" - the "Bony Blonde Bombshell" and "Big Red."

Seems a hostile reference to a sexual "favor" done for a departed DPW executive down behind the Heading Plant by one of the "ladies," provoked this outbreak of violence.

Words were uttered that we, blushing, cannot even type, much less print on a site read by the whole family.

Let us say that the struggling single mom "slugged" Big Red so hard she fell head-over-heels across a desk.. Witnesses claim to have seen "the tightest pair of thong panties in government service" during the altercation.

We're told the "panties" were so skimpy there wasn't even room to write an endearing message to "Pathetic Bobby." Unfortunately, no real discipline was ever achieved in that troubled directorate. And the tension to this day can still be "cut with a knife."


Karen Stinson from DPW has been selected to replace Marv Salsman, who left the most taxing and blindsided job in the Army War College to regain a GS-13 elsewhere.

Salsman was "down-sized" at Letterkenny a few years back and joined the ranks of federal workers who came to fill vacancies at Carlisle Barracks. This great human exodus is why the Barracks is often called "Letterkenny North."

We wish Karen well and hope she gets the backing she needs to make life better for the battered Log and Maintenance crew. They work wonders, even on assignments made on a moment's notice. For many years, these workers - many skilled tradesmen who provide their own tools - have, according to Marv, " done all the work and allowed me (Salsman) to take the credit."

YOU'RE A NICE GUY, MARV, AND WE ALL WISH YOU WELL.


Still searching for that stocking stuffer? We've said it once and we'll say it again. Run and get a copy of J.D. Pines' great book OPEN POST. It's supposed to be a novel, but "those in the know" can see that the writer knows of what he writes. Best book since ANIMAL FARM. Copies can be obtained from Barnes & Noble, or Amazon.com, right here on the MilitaryCorruption.com home page.


MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL. Don't miss our latest BOMBSHELL - CHICKENS COME HOME TO ROOST AT CARLISLE BARRACKS.

We're featuring it one PAGE ONE. We're sure Chilcoat and his pal Scales will read it. Our sources tell us the two generals await each and every installment of CAPERS with bated breath, but NOT the eager anticipation and GLEE of many of their one-time "underlings."


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