Fighting for the truth . . . exposing the corrupt

March 15, 2003

FLASH! Our CI’s (confidential informants) at Fort Monroe tell us that the Army Northeast Command has just signed a settlement agreement with the HARPIE from Dillsburg.

That’s right, boys and girls in the Contracting Office, your “beloved boss” WON’T be coming back to work! She signed away her job in return for uncontested “medical retirement.”

In other words, NO criminal prosecution for alleged “wrong-doing” while on duty. No one in the Barracks leadership stood to benefit from her demise. Thus a “deal” was worked out to minimize any embarrassment to the Army. And a criminal trial would have provided a real “black-eye” in the newspapers.

We are told the Army is sending in a major with contracting experience to run things from now on. Let’s hope he can bring some badly needed civility and productivity to that office.

Remember “F-Troop” and “Camp Runamuck” on television?

A Hollywood production company that does TV pilots for a major distributor has contacted about a possible collaboration on a series based on the “goings-on” at Carlisle Barracks.

They even read CAPERS in “Tinseltown.”

Of course, Carlisle Barracks and the Army War College can’t and won’t be named, although that didn’t stop Lucian Truscott from basing his best-selling novel “DRESS GRAY” at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point.

A clever screenwriter can come up with another name, but the similarities will be obvious. And what a cast of “characters” we have to work from!

How about an egomaniacal “general,” fond of the grape, who often throws infantile “temper tantrums” as he staggers around post, a pair of “inscribed panties” in one hand and an empty wine bottle in the other.

There’s always the lecherous garrison commander (“Have you ever been with a WHITE man?” Sorry folks, but we’ve got to be “PC”) morphed into another former garrison commander and “idiot” known as THE SCREAMER.

We can have a war crimes “expert” called CHUCKY CHEESE who threatens workers at “Dunham” Clinic when he doesn’t get his “medication” after office hours.

There’s always MacNeil, the ex-Barracks “bumbling” PAO, well known to our readers as THE DUMMY. He ham-handedly poisoned relations with the local media trying to “put a lid” on the Bartlett murder case. In the TV show, he can be continually “outfoxed” by the clever “CI’s” of, honeycombed all over post, sending in regular reports to CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS.

We have the hated figure of a former PMO, who violated rights with impunity and “sicced” his corrupt cops on “targeted” officers, “morphed” into another “top cop” who was nuttier than a fruitcake. That one got caught “on tape” bad mouthing an undercover FBI “intel” asset to his own SA (special agent) “handler” over the telephone. NOT a smart thing to do! That moron was quickly shipped off to the boondocks (ROTC) and never heard from again.

THE CHAMELEON and his fellow “back-stabber” PEE WEE HERMAN could provide “entertainment” with the sheer audacity of their evil ways. And the obnoxious, “henpecked” SIMON LEGREE and devious suck-up TOMMY-BOY might don “kneepads” and “do their thing” to “get a head” at Carlisle Barracks.

We have the TWO-LEGGED RAT to contribute “intrigue” as she informs on her co-workers to keep her job. And DICKIE WIGGLEBOTTOM, the “light-in-the-loafers martinet” who doesn’t like women. Because of “political correctness,” we might have to make him “loveable and funny” and “soft-pedal” his perversions and sadistic “mean streak.”

Don’t forget FLATHEAD and his ugly, incompetent wife, “wearing her husband’s rank” and stumbling through one mistake after the other. And last but not least, THE BULLY. This foul-mouthed, failed LTC could be depicted driving his truck drunk after dark (and getting off when his fellow “ring-knocker” PATHETIC BOBBY pulls strings) or hitting the bars in his off-duty hours. And getting tossed out. Lots of potential there.

Do you think folks would tune in each week to see such a “motley” cast of characters? In central Pennsylvania they sure would! And at the Pentagon, as well.

Our prayers go out to Melody Teats and her family this month. Mel is the much-beloved, (we got your e-mail), Army Community Services Program Manager. She was driving a carload of grandchildren when a careless driver slammed into their car.

Mel and one grandchild were injured. As a diabetic, Mel heals slowly. The nursing home benefits on her insurance were soon exhausted. A burst appendix has delayed recovery. Last reports involve the doctor’s decision to let Mel attempt to walk.

Please help this fine woman by donating any extra “sick leave” time you have to Mel at the Civilian Personnel Office. Thank you.

The “winds of war” are raging at the Navy Depot up the road. Seems a certain “Captain Bligh” was giving a “sales talk” to the workforce about a new contractor-designed Navy/Marine Corps internet code named “NMCI.”

For years, Navy civilians have struggled with computer networks that couldn’t talk to each other or migrate information. NCMI will come on line in March and offers little improvement. The prospects are good that many civilian workers with have three workstations to man at their work sites for months to come.

“Captain Bligh” is alleged to have warned his listeners: “We can fire you, we can kill you, or you can learn to love NMCI.” A real sweetheart.

Workers in Building 310 at the Navy Depot tell us of a fascinating underground “War Room” that has been sealed off since World War II. Apparently everything is intact. What stories those walls could tell!

Next door in Building 410, folks in the Contracting Office remember its colorful former supervisors. Big, loud BRAINLESS BOB’s federal career consisted of continual fights and hysterical rage. BRAINLESS has long been retired to Florida, and none too soon.

Then there was JOE MANYHANDS, the failed Jesuit priest who used to come to work drunk and vomit on the employees. “Joe’s” other talent was to sit on a woman’s desk and recite obscene propositions in perfect Latin. He became a role model and mentor for “the HARPIE from Dillsburg” who moved down to the Barracks and quickly climbed the ranks to GM-13.

A “tip of our hat” to a most attractive fellow journalist, Kara McConnell, “star reporter” for the Carlisle SENTINEL. She recently had a scoop about a military sex scandal involving a recruiting sergeant from the Navy Depot in Mechanicsburg.

Seems the pervert liked to place a video camera in his bathroom to tape his daughter’s “teenage gal pals” when they showered or undressed.

More revelations are coming to light regarding the EEO settlement of a retired colonel’s wife. Our CI’s tell us the lady was the target of a certain Major “GRUDGE” who came to Carlisle Barracks in 1999. Word has it that field-grade already had at least one prior sexual harassment charge pending against him.

We’re told he likes to “belittle” professional females in staff meetings and referred to his latest alleged victim as the “Little Princess” and other demeaning names.
COL Gordon Thigpen III is said to have failed in his efforts to intervene or stop the behavior.

Good to see the authorities go after “genuine” sexual harassment for a change.

We hear a new battle has broken out in the “head shed.” It allegedly pits COL Kathy Perry and E. J. Nichols against COL Thigpen III. This “ruckus” concerns security clearances for the new REMTECH workers coming aboard early to learn the complicated jobs they are taking from the civilian workforce.

All of the civil servants were carefully screened for a “Top Secret Clearance.” Has someone forgot we are fighting a war? REMTECH doesn’t seem to want to spend the time or money to properly screen its contract workers. Our CI’s say COL Thigpen III wants to “help out his pals” by waving the long-standing security requirements at Collins Hall. We hope you put up a food fight, ladies!

BULLETIN!!! Just before we went to press we learned Mr. William Singleton, “top dog” in the REMTECH “takeover,’ suddenly submitted his resignation. Has he already learned some hard lessons like COL Bob Shields, the “mid-wife” for Griffin Services?

No, we haven’t forgotten you, DUMMY. We’ll be writing all about THE DUMMY’s role in REMTECH in the near future.

A certain well respected and knowledgeable federal worker forced into retirement by the REMTECH contract has just gotten a subtle threat attached to his performance appraisal for what was supposed to be the PAST twelve months of good work. The “comments section” reads: “We expect he will make the transition easy for his new REMTECH workers.” This “implies” if he doesn’t, he can forget any good recommendations to future employers.

We’re pleased that Ed Otto is being offered employment with retired COL Gil Bishop in Root Hall. Hopefully, he will ultimately be selected for Hugh Barr’s essentially governmental civil service job.

Ed was unfairly locked out of JS’s “politically protected” job at MHI. Maybe Ed was lucky! We doubt that an information technology officer of Otto’s stature and self-respect would have adapted well to that female’s primary job “duties” such as “planning picnics, soup and salad luncheons, and cleaning the break room.”

This makes JS the highest paid “household custodial worker” in federal service! It’s not what you know, it’s . . . never mind. Oh yes, she sorts mail and represents MHI in chili “cook offs” as well. Nice to know the taxpayers are getting their money’s worth.

Terry Phoenix was offered the chance to fill Mike Miller’s shoes as he chooses retirement. That will keep her “on track” career-wise and save her form a demotion. Lisa Ney maybe getting another offer too.

Sources on post suspect these well considered humanitarian job placements for loyal post employees are the work of COL Mike Colpo. He has long been regarded as an able personnel “fixer”of the first order, at both Carlisle Barracks and the Pentagon.

We hear that portly JAG Major Daniel W. Kelly is anxiously awaiting a PCS move this summer to Europe or ANY place overseas. He doesn’t like CAPER’s “spotlight” shining on his less than distinguished legal career at the Barracks. Cheer up, major, we are read at all the overseas American bases where you hope to serve.

Our CI’s downtown tell us that the BULLY’s faded red Toyota pick-up can be seen these days parked along Hanover Street from the Locker Room Bar to the Towns Tavern as he follows the “Happy Hour” specials. The BULLY is really taking the loss of the coveted Title X position at MHI hard. Either he was kicked out of his old hangout, the Garden Cave, for rowdy behavior on the dance floor (a pathetic sight!), or he needs to stretch his retirement money.

In June, COL Alan C. Cate will become the new AHEC Director replacing COL Jim Costigan. Many have high expectations for Cate. He has only one possible direction to travel – UP!

The good colonel will take command of a regiment of frustrated employees marching in place while sinking deeper into quicksand.

Meanwhile, GIGLIN’ JACK, a befuddled Pennsylvania patronage employee, is said to be advising managers to squander the Institute’s budget on gouging inept contractors.

As war looms in the Middle East, the Army is turning its back on its four so-called National Museum complexes, hoping that creative fund raising in the private sector will salvage their mission. With the abrasive and obnoxious QUEEN CHARLOTTE on duty at Carlisle Barracks, that will indeed become a most significant challenge.

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