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CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS
April 15, 2003


HEADS UP -- If you haven’t already, dear reader, go take a look at our new LEAD story – as of April 15, 2003 – “COVER-UP AT CARLISLE BARRACKS.” Then tell us if you think a certain alleged “bad-boy” major is getting a “free pass” from his indulgent superiors after some very questionable conduct. Yes, it’s not what you know, but who you . . . ahem, “know!”

We at CAPERS have been very kind to the present commandant, Gen. Robert Ivany. He certainly was “a breath of fresh air” after the ordeal of THE HERO OF GRENADA and PATHETIC BOBBY. Gen. Ivany eventually got rid of most of the “deadwood” and restored respect and dignity to Quarters One. No breath of scandal about him personally. But we regret his last few months on Carlisle Barracks are now “clouded in controversy” as “inquiring minds want to know” why a certain “pet officer” is allowed to behave in a way that would ordinarily bring serious punishment? Maybe his powerful “pals” on post have something to do with it.

Also, we have had nice things to say about now-Chief of Staff, COL Mike Colpo. We remember the colonel back in the days when he was an LTC and garrison commander. We still respect him, although are saddened that he apparently got caught up in the “cover-up” and had to “follow orders.” So, while we have an obligation to report substantiated charges by others – like the highly respected Janice York – we still like Colpo. A West Point graduate, it’s too bad Colpo’s chances for “a star,” if they were realistic in the past, and now gone for good.


WHAT A FLOP! – Did any of you catch former Carlisle Barracks “boss,” retired Gen. “Bobby” Scales on FOX NEWS CHANNEL? Deadly DULL! He was so BORING, that watching paint dry was preferable to listening to his meandering pontifications.

Those “beedy” little eyes in a strange-shaped head made the viewers uncomfortable we suspect, and God help any little kids that go to his door “trick-or-treating” on Halloween night. One look at THAT “mug,” and they’d run away, screaming in terror!

The former commandant, who was best known for his infantile temper tantrums and a pair of “inscribed panties,” has a face only a mother could love.

No danger of him supplanting the excellent COL Al Hunt, U.S. Army (Ret.) as FOX NEWS CHANNEL’s top military expert. With his warm, good humor and self-depreciating manner, Hunt presented a stark contrast to the puffed-up and pretentious “Pathetic Bobby.”


AGE DISCRIMINATION – Let’s hope that isn’t the primary “legacy” of the Ivany years. After all, anyone could have landed at Quarters One in 2000 and been an improvement over what is now thankfully gone.

A former commander of the Military District of Washington, Ivany accomplished a lot in the area of human relations and treating others with respect in his previous assignment. A similar effort would have paid dividends at Carlisle Barracks.

Now our “CI’s” have sent us a communication from Barb Sadler on the general’s behalf, that commands the Dean, “Gerry,” Karen from Contracting, and Les Rocky to hire a “young” statistician to crunch the numbers and speed up termination of Carlisle Barracks’ “aging workforce.”

The memo says “it is high time we get an intern in here to build a younger workforce.”


CRIME BEAT -- The Letort Club is embarrassed by a 39 year-old former waitress who could not manage her finances. In fact, she may have been holding out on tips and not ringing up cash sales when the drawer was open. A patron’s credit card number was copied, we are told, and used to buy $121 in groceries at the Giant and a large, delinquent telephone bill. When will they ever learn? ID theft is a growing concern on Post.

Before anyone wrongfully paints the Club’s workers with a brush of shame, let’s recall that bigger financial threats to the survival of the organization occurred under a former “pompous” commandant, THE HERO OF GRENADA, who allegedly demanded to be served “breakfast in bed.” Did he ever bother to “pay” for his ham and eggs? He could certainly afford it. Why not ask him? Next time he shows up.

Speaking of “freeloaders” and those who abuse their position of authority, a former garrison commander we call THE LOUDMOUTH liked to help himself to any “left-over” beer kegs from post events.

And then there was an Army War College student – LTC LIGHTFINGERS – who knew how to “quickly open the cash register drawer” in Root Hall dining room every time “the help” had to step into the kitchen. A well-placed security camera operated by CID agents put a “crimp” in THAT “distinguished” military career!

On a more positive note, we feel the Letort Club’s fortunes will rise as business flows down the Pike from the Officer’s Club at the Mechanicsburg Navy Depot. That facility will close during the months of June, July and August this summer for a much-needed $1.2 million renovation.


GOD SPEED -- “Sonny” and Martha Moore will PCS to the chaplain’s next assignment, Fort Rucker, four months early this spring because Martha’s medical condition would benefit from an assignment closer to home and extended family members. Chapel sources tell us the beloved couple will leave the Barracks after Easter Services. Seldom have two people so positively impacted the community. Chaplain Moore and his dear wife represent the best our country has to offer. Let’s all keep Martha in our prayers.


UNWANTED -- We hear Mr. Silverberg is struggling to uphold a promise as he finds government jobs for displaced CIO workers. The “Energizer Bunny” proves to be the hardest placement. Neither DPW nor the Fire Department wants him back! Our “CI’s” think the “Bunny” might be retrained and issued a skirt to serve as “Ernestine,” the “Lilly Tomlin Laugh-In lady” who works the switchboard.


HARRASSMENT – More bizarre behavior by the “tyrant of Upton Hall,” DICKIE WIGGLEBOTTOM.

Steve Bye and Gary Johnson have become “fresh meat” for the mincing martinet. Gentlemen, prepare to show your bi-weekly pay stubs. This “frustrated accountant” likes to balance your annual and sick leave for you. He will also make you “genuflect” in the event you need to leave “his” reading room for needed bathroom breaks.

A total “control freak,” he saves his worst scorn for women. The more attractive they are – like a gorgeous “Elizabeth Taylor lookalike” he despised and abused – the worse the treatment.


Speaking of Upton Hall, heroic firefighters were summoned to Building 22 last month to rescue what they thought might be a husky Soviet-era “lingerie model.” Instead, they found the ADAMS COUNTRY TURNIP QUEEN, the CHAMELEON’s best “pal” at Gettysburg, you know, the one with the three-part name. She was “trapped” in the handicapped elevator. Any way you look at it, the firefighters “had their hands full!” By the way, isn’t Upton Hall overdue for a thorough fire and safety inspection?

Don’t ever invite the “slimy” CHAMELEON and PATHETIC BOBBY to the same party. We recall how after many months of “sucking up,” to the general, THE CHAMELEON discovered his “knee pads” did him no good. “BOBBY” justifiably turned down the colonel’s request for an extention. Things at MHI didn’t improve any when the foul-tempered former commandant appointed THE BULLY to the director’s job. Could it be it went from BAD to WORSE! Yes, if you speak to workers who had to endure THE BULLY’s many barbs and vulgar comments.


OVERPAID -- Seems our regular revelations about the “inflated” JS (no pun intended) are taking a toll in Upton Hall. Embarrassed AHEC Director, COL Jim Costigan, writes to his staff: “I’ve just given guidance to MAJ Wyche to ensure that Jan is weaned off her extra duties to she can focus on her IT ones. She will focus on how we can get the biggest bang for our buck in the IT project and the utilizing of AKO. This will take place over a two-week period. Her duties will be taken over by military personnel.”

Does the colonel mean that cooking, cleaning and printing out other peoples’ e-mails will come to an end?


DRUGGIE -- SGT Bowen was arrested for selling marijuana to undercover agents. Needless to say, the Command at Carlisle Barracks – like Claude Rains in the classic movie “Casablanca” – was “SHOCKED, LITERALLY SHOCKED” to find out that “drug dealing” among the enlisted soldiers was going on! Many believed ALL sergeants at the Barracks drove late-model black Mercedes sports utility vehicles. DUH!

Seems no one in authority wanted to listen to outstanding former Dunham Clinic pharmacist Theodore Rudberg a few months back. “Ted” was the first of three civilian pharmacy officers to walk off the job due to Command influence and indifference to regulations.

Remember the odious and obnoxious “Chuckie Cheese” and the failure of past clinic commanders to observe security rules and report “stoned” enlisted soldiers suspected of stealing pills from Dunham Clinic?


CHANGE IN THE WIND – The new regime in the Public Affairs Office is taking a totally new tact. The “lie, deny and cover-up tactics” that backfired so badly on THE DUMMY during the Bartlett murder case, are being replaced by Lyndon Johnson’s clever strategy of “getting the story out early” with the best possible “spin” on it.

The failed PAO, retired LTC Jim MacNeil, ended his mediocre military “career” for what he hopes will be a cash-covered “brass ring” with REMTECH and its associated sub contractors.

THE DUMMY is alleged to have ignored Army ethics codes by going to work for METRO MEDIA CORP after being directly involved in hiring the firm for lucrative war college contracts. THE DUMMY is said to have helped prepare the competing government bid.

Inquiring minds – and maybe the CID? – want to know if THE DUMMY even bothered to go to the Pentagon to get the “rubber stamp” that exempts officers from the “inconvenience” of obeying the Army’s Code of Ethics?

If you show us your EXEMPTION STAMP, MacNeil, we will publish a direct apology to you. Pardon us while we don’t hold our breath “waiting.”


GETTING NERVOUS – Is it true the contractor family – three separate companies – is sweating “big time?” They are said to be short of money allegedly having LOW-BALLED their bid both in dollars and manpower needed to perform the work.

We hear they bid 51 workers only to find they need a minimum of 61. Sixty-one is more than the government bid, and the 44 government workers actually doing the scope of work.

Will facts, coming to light now, change the contract award? NO WAY! We predict the contract will be “modified” and the Army will just pay more money for less work. So, what else is new?

“W.S.” smelled “trouble ahead” and tendered his resignation. We know more than one former CIO worker has been talking to the Inspector General lately. Could it be our old “pal,” THE DUMMY is in a mess? Stay tuned.


FOND FAREWELL – April 4th was the last day of work at Carlisle Barracks for Ms. Karin Stinson – the undisputed “wonder woman of logistics.”

Karin has traded in her tights and cape along with the thankless job in Root Hall for the calmer waters at the Susquehanna East Defense Depot (New Cumberland). We hope at this new job she won’t be “blindsided” by “unreasonable demands” like she was in the last job.

Who knows? At the new facility she might be given the resources it takes to accomplish the goals set for her. Our many “CI’s” at New Cumberland tell us Marv Salsman helped her “escape” from Root Hall. Look for Greg Shade to be tapped as her replacement.


SECRET REVEALED – Now that Karin is leaving, it might be time to reveal the location of a “secret sleeping area” in the Root Hall basement. Boxes were carefully stacked in the mechanical area.

No, it wasn’t her overworked crew that set-up and used the facility. The “hideout” contains a reading light and sleeping chair all carefully put there in the “glory days” of Alan Thompson’s former DPW.

Seems one of the DPW workers was caught sleeping in his big oversized white DPW box truck on the Commissary lot. After the incident, the “light-bulb shaped” government worker realized that the truck was too conspicuous to “hide” on Post.

He began to look for more “discrete loafing places,’ closer to his heating and air conditioning work sites. These days, the so-called “slacker from Chambersburg” works for Griffin Services. With even more contractors coming to work on Carlisle Barracks after April 1st, old “broad bottom” may have to install bunk beds in his hidden locations.


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Thank you, everyone. And until next month’s CAPERS, God bless!

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