CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS
January 15, 2004


INTO HARM’S WAY – Some of you will remember former Carlisle resident Kimberly Ann (Fahnestock) Voelz, the Army staff sergeant who was killed December 14 in Iraq while going “into harm’s way” in service of her country.

Kim lost her life while working with an EOD (Emergency Ordnance Disposal) team, trying to defuse an improvised explosive device placed on a telephone pole in Iskandariyah, Iraq.

She died at a Baghdad hospital of her wounds in the arms of her loving husband, Staff Sgt. Max Voelz, also an EOD specialist serving in Iraq.

Unlike Col. Mike “NO COMBAT” Colpo, Kim didn’t have a free college education (at West Point) courtesy of we the taxpayers. She willingly went to Iraq to do her part in the war on terrorism.

The 27 year-old NCO didn’t spend a quarter century being a “chAIRBORNE” ranger – going from one staff job to the next – missing combat in Grenada, Panama, Somalia, Kosovo, Bosnia, Gulf War I, Afghanistan or Iraq, despite being “jump-qualified” and a “bad-ass” Infantry officer.

Kim, unlike the colonel, wouldn’t think of not serving even ONE overseas tour in a span of 25 years! She felt it was her duty to defend her country, even at the cost of her life. And she made the supreme sacrifice for all of us.

The 1994 graduate of Trinity High School was in the Army a few short years, but earned many military decorations. Among them, the Bronze Star for Valor, Purple Heart, and Global War on Terrorism Expeditionary Medal. All medals, we might add, that “NO COMBAT” Colpo does not, nor ever will hold.


SPECIAL TREATMENT – Heightened security concerns since 9/11, have caused the guard force at Carlisle Barracks to be especially “on the alert.” They have been instructed to insist on proper identification from everyone, no matter who they may be, even if they have a powerful “daddy.”

Therefore, it wasn’t unusual or wrong recently when an alert security person refused to admit a carload of civilians on post because only one of the five occupants, the driver, had a proper photo ID.

“But my father is the garrison commander,” protested a teenager in the back seat who had no ID himself – no dependent’s card or drivers license – nothing to “prove” who he was.

So, the offended son of a “prominent man” at Carlisle Barracks, announced he would call his papa on the cell phone, as the vehicle was directed to park outside the gate, until such time as someone produced proper identification.

It wasn’t long before the diminutive garrison commander was “on the line” with the guards, and he was NOT amused. “My son can vouch for everyone in that car!” the LTC declared. So the vehicle was allowed to enter.

Nice to know there’s two sets of rules. One for the regular folks, and the other for children of the brass.


TRACKED TO THE SOURCE – The vicious and highly-criminal smear and terror campaign directed against the editor-in-chief of this web site – three mailings of obscene and libelous personal attacks have now been sent to the editor’s neighbors – has been tracked to Building 315 on Carlisle Barracks.

We always wondered if the chief of staff and his enabler, Maj. Gen. David Huntoon, had knowledge of these actions. Since the first attack was posted with impunity on a bulletin board at Anne Ely Hall (where one of our eagle-eyed CI’s spotted it and removed the scurrilous sheet so we could send it to a CID friend in Virginia to obtain fingerprints – we’ve wondered if the Commandant and his “right-hand man” knew about or aided this despicable effort).

Due to recent information from an inside source, a trail now directly leads back to Carlisle Barracks. And Huntoon – if he is guilty of complicity in this matter – could see his hopes for a third star dissolve faster than the perfume on the panties given to his close buddy, onetime Commandant “Pathetic Bobby” Scales.

The latest smear features a “head shot” of our editor with big letters reading WANTED on top. It parodies our $10,000 REWARD offer (taken up by several persons already) for information leading to the arrest, conviction and incarceration of a certain military officer at Carlisle Barracks, and urges recipients to “post this flyer at public locations throughout your area.”

The ‘tip-off” of Barracks involvement came with a look at which picture was used. Not a military one. Not a photo taken from the retired officer’s ID card. No, a poor reproduction (third generation photocopy) blow-up from a photograph taken many years earlier. A civilian photograph, if you please.

Not even the goons at MP-CID have that pix. But we know for a fact the identities of two individuals – one military, one top-ranking civilian – who had access (and they only had access) to this particular image. They worked out of Building 315. The only way a photocopy of a photocopy could have been made was if one of these individuals stupidly involved himself in this harassment effort and provided a certain “lowlife” with the pix to use in a mailing.

Besides violation of U.S. Postal regulations, these individuals are subject to prosecution under the Pennsylvania “Harassment by Communication” statute. That brings in the State Police as well as federal investigators. And these suspects hold or held security clearances. If they lose those, or have them suspended, their jobs would be in serious jeopardy. To say nothing of their freedom (from incarceration) and being financially wiped out.

All this doesn’t make Huntoon look too good to his bosses at the Pentagon. He’s only been on the job a short time and already he’s screwing up.

This web site had a mutually respectful relationship with the last Commandant at Carlisle Barracks, Maj. Gen. Robert Ivany. We were willing to extend the “olive branch” to Huntoon when he arrived on post. But soon our CI’s were reporting unsettling news of what the general was “really like.”

We got a sample of his deceitfulness recently when we saw a letter he sent to a United States senator defaming our editor and misrepresenting the tone of the CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS column. He never thought we’d know what he wrote. The general should realize such tactics would eventually come to our attention.

That, and other information provided us from the inside, proves Huntoon would have loved to have “stifled” MilitaryCorruption.com (to use a word the Carlisle Barracks JAG wrote in discussing what to do to “MacDonald’s first amendment rights”) and censor our truth-telling despite the fact pornography was still pouring in on the post’s computer system.

Readers of this site will recall how we caught “NO COMBAT” Colpo on tape – can’t deny it – as he screamed “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” when we politely inquired via telephone whether or not porn was still coming in on the Carlisle Barracks computer net.

The last thing a new commandant needs is BAD publicity, or getting caught in any way in an orchestrated character assassination of a respected, retired field-grade officer and combat veteran. It must be frustrating said officer is a CIVILIAN now, well beyond the punitive reach of this two-star tyrant.

Well, Huntoon, “the gloves are off.” We know where you’re coming from now, and we intend to let our many readers on post see you for just what you are.

Effective immediately, if you so much as spit on the sidewalk, we want to and will know about it. There are “eyes and ears” everywhere – even in the most unexpected places. Our CI’s are watching, listening, gathering information. From here on out, we are adversaries. Not because MCC wants it so, but because you have given us no choice.

Forget about that third star, general. You’ll be lucky to finish out your three-year term, at the rate you’re going.


BUCHER “POPULAR” IN GERMANY – No column would be complete without an item about Carlisle Barrack’s PAO, that “fast-track,” former Pentagon flack, LTC Merideth Bucher.

She forever earned herself a niche in our “Hall of Shame” by her arrogant and obnoxious personality and, of course, her total lack of a basic DINFOS diploma.

We gave her the moniker of “Bumbling Bucher,” an appropriate nickname, in view of her embarrassing comments quoted in front page articles in the Harrisburg PATRIOT-NEWS in favor of attempted censorship and violation of the First Amendment to the Constitution at Carlisle Barracks.

Readers ask us why we’ve kept the “BUMBLING BUCHER” story up on our home page, when it could be replaced by more current stories. We do our share of “breaking news” here, but this particular piece has “struck a chord” with so many military members, sickened at such ignorance and imperious behavior, we won’t take it down or send it to ARCHIVES as long as we keep getting thousands of HITS a week from people clamoring to read and download the article. We owe a “thank you” to the “Hillary clone,” for all the inadvertent help she has given us, “circulation-wise.”

Now comes word from an Army NCO in Germany that they love the BUMBLING BUCHER story so much the GI’s there no longer use the term “screw-up” or another phrase containing the “f- word.” No, they just say: “It’s all Buchered up!” So you see, Merideth baby, we’ve made you famous, (or is that infamous?), around the world.


DILEMMA IN LILLIPUT – Some of GIGGLIN JACK’s employees were seen eating breakfast where some soft boiled eggs were the order of the day. The baffled and confused workers were unsure of which end of the egg to tap with the silver egg spoons, because their “esteemed” leader was not there to instruct them about proper etiquette.

Do you break the egg shells at the big or the small end? Jack may not know himself, or for that matter much archival technique or good manners either. But he does know he can run home at night, jump on the Internet, and the next day dazzle the captive AHEC staff with whatever “pseudo knowledge” he has recently absorbed.

In the meantime, work proceeds at a snail’s pace as the Army Heritage and Education Center prepares to move to new quarters in May. Look for lots of misdirection, fights, clashes of ego and turf battles ahead as this possible boondoggle proceeds into 2004.

First-rate Military History Institute Director, Dr. Conrad Crane, put it best when he said, “asking this outfit to move to a new building is like teaching a Brontosaurus to poll-vault.”


ELEVATED OFFICE BOY RULES EMPIRE – His employees liken their tasks to the script of a bad Marx Brothers movie. Each morning, GIGGLIN’ JACK lines up the troops to issue a long series of convoluted and irrational orders. Orders that have to be taken back as soon as the peons see they are only marching in circles.

How about the four foolish attempts to gain control of the map collection, or the lock-down inventory that buddy boy MAJOR WALMART rejected as worthless?

Old-time MHI workers remember the day when GIGGLIN’ JACK was nothing more than BRUCE BABBEL-ON’S “flunkie.” For the moment, fortune has smiled on this newly minted federal civil servant – a GS-12 chief museum curator position, no less – by act of Silverberg and the ever-gullible Col. Alan Cate, Jr.


RETIRED WORKERS LOOK BACK – The luncheon at the “Sunnyside” on December 12th brought together Tom Stenehjem, Ginny Giordano, Mary Rife, Dort Murray, Ruth Hodge, and Janet Grove – to name just a few of the colorful ex-Carlisle Barracks employees to gather for the annual reunion with soon-to-be retired co-workers.

The CATWOMAN OF CATALOGING will allegedly go out two years hence. Several of her co-workers can’t wait for her departure.
The National Association of Retired Civil Service Employees sponsored this worthy event. The most frequently asked question was – whatever happened to MS. DILLSBURG, the former director of contracting who always seemed to be in trouble?

Dort Murray recounted with a chuckle how she once used her authority as guesthouse manager to refuse a retired general’s request to share a room with his son. Dort just would not let members of the same sex share a bed under her “roof.” “I wasn’t raised that way,” she declared.


DIRTIEST (FEMALE) RAT IN ROOT HALL – Scores of people with “scores to settle” gasped relief and bid a hostile “goodbye” to “Jane” from Perry County. This unpleasant woman made only two friends – Mr. and Mrs. Foote – during her decades “working” in Root Hall.

Jane served as a clerical in nearly every department and was about to be transferred out of DAA when she filed retirement papers in preference to learning a new job. Her career was said to be based on being the most vicious “snitch” and management informer in War College history.

At the end, she had little to show for her perfidy, and certainly no self-respect.


UNION TROUBLES – We are sad to report the immunization nurse, Shirley Jackson over at Dunham Clinic, who serves as steward and vice president of Local 2004 for AFGE, is ailing and missing a lot of work.

Word has reached us that this altruistic woman is recovering from a liver transplant. God, please help her in this struggle. And God bless her fellow nurse, Barb Coons, for her loyalty and support.


CHECK BOUNCER “RICK PALOOKA” – Our CI’s have turned up a most interesting story of yesteryear. It seems that a certain fat-headed DPW employee – who used to take his car to the Barracks Crossing Auto Shop – liked to write checks on an empty bank account. After several bad checks, the managers locked the repaired car inside until the owner returned to pay his bill in cash.

Rather than accept this “outrage,” the highly inebriated and belligerent DPW employee went to the firehouse one evening and got the emergency keys to open the locked auto shop.

Not content to make a clean “get-a-way,” this nighttime visitor drove the car out onto the greens at the golf house and cut “wheelies” into the carefully manicured landscape. Did this action lead to any discipline or removal? No way, boys and girls. Not in Alan Thompson’s DPW. This nasty man went on to follow Emmett Williams at the Safety Office and also is alleged to have emptied the AFGE Treasury at Carlisle Barracks. The last few union members on post dropped out in fear they would be left to pay off the organization’s debts!

This old incident might never have come to light had not a certain “fingerprint” been found on a red flyer, mysteriously posted on a bulletin board at Anne Ely Hall not long ago.


“PAULA” AND THE CHAMELEON – Yes, we are referring to the frisky fourth wife of a former deputy commandant. [PATHETIC BOBBY won’t soon forget her and her “inscribed panties” when he recalls how he “stalled out” as a two-star general following a rocky tenure as Commandant at Carlisle Barracks.]

Veteran readers of CAPERS will recall how we reported the two incidents where domestic disputes in the troubled marriage led to thong panties being taken off in public – or should we say “public view” – at the LeTort View Club. The last pair was inscribed: “These are for you, Bobby.” Terrible tempered Bobby, whose infantile tantrums once earned him a “violence in the workplace” complaint by a government worker on Post, was said to be “not amused.” Nor was his “wine-taster” wife.

Well we wonder how THE CHAMELEON’s better half will react to our revelation that her two-faced hubby, who used to run MHI with a duplicitous hand, had more than a passing acquaintance with “passionate Paula.” Seems this “busy" lady was something of a “history buff,” or at least a “history groupie” in the buff. Our CI’s report, during those troubled times, she would seek “solace” with the door closed in Building 22 in the office of the pudgy CHAMELEON, doing a “Monica Lewinsky” imitation. She’s said to have done her best, considering how “little” she had to work with.

The CHAMELEON may have “put one over” on his unsuspecting wife until now, but he should know – no one can fool their secretary for very long! There are no real “secrets” at Carlisle Barracks that don’t come out sooner or later.


OLD SOLDIERS – They just don’t “fade away” like they used to. Now cretins like BIG BAD JOHN, the former despised deputy commandant at Carlisle Barracks, reemerges in a “second career” in politics as a “wheeler-dealer” in Cumberland County GOP circles. The irony is that oppressed county workers find him more civil and fair-minded than the usual crop of row office holders.

Always one to seize the headlines, or ‘self-promote” himself, BIG BAD JOHN is now boasting he will “save” Carlisle Barracks from the next round of BRAC closings. He tells his pals he is the one who can bring HOMELAND DEFENSE to Collins Hall. Former Gov. Tom Ridge has been seen on Post several times, looking at the potential of extending his empire there.


OUR ALWAYS BUSY CI’s – We have some sources poking around the race tracks in central Pennsylvania “hot on the trail” of BIG MAMMA, who likes to pocket some “spending money” by taking tickets and bestowing “other services” to men who frequent these events. Our readers will also want to know more about SUEY SOW down at Medical Supply. All her co-workers tell us this woman is still disgustingly obese!


STORK BITES AHEC WOMAN ON LEG – And makes her a grandmother! Congratulations to Mrs. Beth Shaffer on the arrival of Ashlin Paige, a healthy baby granddaughter.

Beth and her co-worker Diana, labor in Upton Hall to save the sorry “career” of TOMMY-BOY, the unappreciative and very unpleasant Army bureaucrat. He’s still licking his wounds, along with onetime pal, THE BULLY. They both thought they would land the “top spot” at AHEC. Each one of these phonies deserve the humiliation they suffered in everyone's eyes when they very publicly were rejected in favor of a much more qualified and decent candidate.


FRUSTRATION AT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT – It took two years of fighting after former Garrison Commander “Ty” Smith put his career on the line to get $70,000 to make the Youth Development Center safe for children of enlisted soldiers at Carlisle Barracks. Unfortunately, that success frustrate the wishes of the “sunshine soldiers” who now populate the Command Suite at Carlisle Barracks.

These sleazy Army bureaucrats want to “jump start” the building replacement schedule and move up construction of a new youth facility by at least five years!

It’s alleged the current garrison commander – now as unpopular as the soon-to-be promoted PMO - expected Safety Manager Jim Aiello to falsify his reports to aid in the scheme.

When “Big Jim” took a stand for honesty and integrity, they turned to the Fire Department for testimony that would aid in the skullduggery. At last report, the current diminutive garrison commander is “badmouthing” his predecessor, the respected LTC Smith, who fixed the unsafe conditions that threatened the health and welfare of post children.


Well, as Bugs Bunny used to say: “That’s all, folks!” At least for now. HAPPY NEW YEAR to the many good and decent military members and civilians who serve honorably at Carlisle Barracks. We are sure it will be a most “unpleasant” year for the small number of criminals and uniformed frauds who’ll get what’s coming to them in the next 12 months. The wheels of justice move slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine.

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