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THE CARLISLE BARRACKS CAPERS
March 12, 2001

 

Once in a while the old saying "what goes around, comes around," proves true.

Such was the case recently when a now-retired colonel returned to the Barracks looking much the worse for wear.

About 60 pounds lighter, and sporting an unbecoming "Hitler" mustache - some of his ex-civilian employees think the small bush under his nose is most appropriate - retirement appears to have been a shock to this career officer.

No one to bully or back-stab any more!

From what his former neighbors say, he's coming "unhinged," like that infamous Navy captain and the "missing strawberries." When you yell at the folks next door, they don't jump and click their heels in fear. They fight back!

Welcome to the real world, colonel.

Your "moniker" of "the smiling chameleon" is well-deserved. You could have stood up for your "shareholders" and corrected injustices in the work place. But you didn't. That's because you're basically selfish and narcissistic.

You really messed up when you got on the bad side of "pathetic Bobby." A little more sucking up and you might have gotten that extension. But no, you had to blow it!

We doubt if you'll be writing any "historical" articles about your time in Vietnam and your brief period in "combat." That was before you got shipped to the "rear with the gear." No "Audie Murphy," you!

But you still have your pals at the Barracks: "Dickie" Wigglebottom, Pee Wee Herman and a certain light colonel headed for the looney bin with a bottle in his hand. They still "like" you because you're as underhanded as them.

Sorry you couldn't land a paid position as a battlefield guide. Do they give an IQ test for that? Or did they note your abrasive personality "bubbling" just under the surface.

Oh well, you can always yell at your TV set.

"Whom the Gods destroy, they first make mad!"

Once in a while, ace archivist Mike Winey can be a bit irascible. But most of the time he is a perfect gentleman and most everyone agrees, few historians in the United States have his knowledge and ability when it comes to photographs and the Civil War.

He is a tremendous asset to Carlisle Barracks and the Military History Institute.

Right now Mike needs your prayers. He has been through a serious operation and will need a while to mend. If everyone reading this - and our "audience" at the Barracks grows every week - would take a few moments to bow their head and utter a prayer of healing for Winey, he'd be back to work all the sooner.

Winey would have made a great infantryman. He has the courage of a lion. Mike refuses to be intimidated by anyone, be they "prissy" martinets, or drunken, foul-mouthed officers. He can always be counted on to tell the truth and never back down to a bully.

ATTENTION CID-MPs: WINEY IS NOT, REPEAT, NOT ONE OF OUR MANY CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANTS ON POST. SO LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE!

Inquiring minds want to know - who was the visiting officer who apparently was "absent-minded" when he checked out of Washington Hall.

He must have had something else on his mind when he left behind a condum wrapper in the waste basket and a "naughty" book under the bed.

The Commandant has an excellent idea. Why didn't the "hero" of Grenada and "pathetic Bobby" think of this? Probably because they only thought of themselves. "Gotta get that next star, by hook or crook!"

Improving morale by a series of cash awards for excellent employees is another move in the right direction by Gen. Ivany. BUT, he should be careful that certain supervisors not use the largesse to "reward" drones and flunkies, not the really deserving civilians who make up the vast majority of the Carlisle Barracks work force.

The general should encourage one and all to write him (anonymous, if need be) letters in case supervisors try to abuse the purpose of the monetary rewards. THAT should put them on notice: "Don't try any funny stuff."

She was a deadly "sting artist" who falsely accused two field-grade officers over a period of time of that old catch-all: "sexual harassment." Both majors survived, but went through a lot of misery in the process.

Meanwhile, this butterball, who always took advantage of her "minority" status, kept getting in trouble for her "lies."

Soon she was without a regular unit. Everyone was on to her "falsehoods" and "excuses." This venomous E-4 figured she could scam her way to E-5, but responsible NCO's said : "No, you've got to pass the APFT like everyone else!"

"How dare they? Don't they know who I am?" the viper thought to herself. She even tried to finagle an undeserved promotion at ARPERCEN where she had no lack of male admirers, but still the rules held.

Now she's just a fat, over-aged SPC whose past is catching up with her. Just how fast she will find out when she gets that "knock on the door." The wheels of justice grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine.

What 0-6 and ex-PMO, who transferred to Fort Monmouth, New Jersey not that long ago, had a well-earned reputation as an arrogant, obnoxious, "suck-up" at his last duty station?

We hear he doesn't want his new colleagues to know about his "bad old days" as a "chief cop." It seems the then-LTC regarded the United States Constitution like a piece of toilet paper, using lies, deceit and uttered threats (watch out for those micro tape-recorders!) to browbeat whomever his boss "targeted" for him. One lieutenant colonel, initials L. B., got the "full treatment" from this ex-PMO's "bully boys," snapped and put a bullet through his head. At least that's the "official" version. As for the slimeball colonel, he may escape "justice' on this Earth, but when he finally "croaks," of natural causes - no doubt, he'll get his much-deserved one-way ticket to Hell!


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